We promised ourselves we wouldn’t get sucked in! But, here we are 3.5 weeks deep...
You 'wash your hair' on the daily
Back away cute Tinder guy, sorry (not sorry) ex work colleague, I can’t make any plans that may leak into the post 9pm watershed. Call me in about 4 weeks and we’ll talk.
You’ve developed a new language
Muggy has gone from a sporadically used weather term to a familiar part of your vocab. You’re constantly wondering why your love interests don’t ‘graft’ harder and you’re hyper aware of ‘melty’ behaviour and feelings of ‘ick’.
You’re reconsidering your ‘type’
I mean sure, on paper he (or she) is exactly your type, but are you ready to put all your eggs in one basket just because someone has the right hair colour and good chat? No, absolutely not.
Your chat is popping off
Your charger is on hand at 9pm on the dot because your group chat is set to go off, if you don’t keep up you actually can’t face the admin that comes with the 418 notifications from your downtime.
You’re making new friends (and enemies)
All conversation is now focused on the island and you will talk to anyone who is on the hype. New girl in the office, FB friend you’ve not spoken to in 6 years – hi, let’s talk about Camilla – sorry what, you’re OK with Jonny’s behaviour? *unfriending and blocking*
You have real feelings of hatred
Yeah, about Jonny, you’re on the list pal! If you make Camilla cry again, there will be an uprising. You will be evicted from the villa as a matter of national importance.
You have insufficient storage space
Sorry babe, I would send you that cute photo of us but there is way too much Love Island content to scroll through. I’ve got a killer ‘In a world of Amber’s be a Camilla’ meme if that’s any good to you?
You’re IRL relationships are suffering
For some reason the combined happiness of Camilla and Montana (or Camtana if you like) is more important than your own. Dates, SO’s… can you give us some space while we focus on what really matters?
Saturday is the worst
What exactly are we supposed to do on Saturday evenings? Socialise, go out, are you mad? I’d rather watch the Hot List and see if they release any unseen snippets of Montana snacking.
Your Spotify playlist is blazing
You’ve started listening to Blazing Squad on repeat and you’re not even sorry. Anyone else praying for a post-show reunion? I’ll see you at the crossroads Marcel, totally cool if you bring Gab too.
You hide your search history
I don’t have a problem! I definitely haven’t asked Google ‘Did Jess really sleep with Mike’ or stalked every single Islander’s IG, or obsessed over before-and-after pics or found out what salon Kem works in. I promise.
You’re anxious AF
Already worrying how you will fill the massive Island shaped void in your life? Wondering if someone will set up a helpline, scared you’ll have nothing to bond with your colleagues over? We. Feel. You.
You’re squatting like it’s hot
So much bum-spiration (basically Montana again) right now and then there’s the five high-cut, deep plunge costumes you’ve just ordered for your holiday.
